Decreased productivity :(

In the last three weeks, I have not written as much as I would like. I spent a few days in Germany, then I was sick for another four. And while I thought up another book idea I am still lagging¬†behind in writing up others ūüė¶ I think I might be suffering from writer’s block ūüė¶

I am writing up the sequel to Jumpstart, but it’s going so slow. Perhaps only a few hundred words a day. I don’t¬†know why my brain is so mushy. I know the rough order of events. And work has let me stay in the downstairs part of the restaurant during my split shifts. I have the time.

I read somewhere that writer’s block is the manifestation of a person’s fear of failure so that they are too scared to even try to write. And I feel that. What if I can’t finish it? But that’s a stupid thought because I’ve succeeded¬†with others.

I am a bit worried that I won’t be able to keep the main character the same, but that’s just because I’ve never written a sequel before. I don’t know how this book is going to end either. That’s a red flag don’t you think?

But I have a bit more success with this other book idea. I thought it up while in Germany. It actually takes from this idea I had when I was 20. But it’s a story I never developed that much. Maybe if I do I’ll set it in the same universe or something. I’ve done about 5,000 words of it. I thought that was pretty good, but for some reason the next day I thought that I could have done more ūüė¶

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The process of writing one of my stories

Ohhhh!

Shiny new idea!! Better write it down.

Spend a month or two writing the first draft.

Feel good once you finish it.

Go to another project because you’re exhausted from writing this one. Also look at cover images from iStock and fuss over the title.

Do a second draft weeks later because you’re excited about it.

Go to another project for a while because you need space.

Do a third draft weeks later.

Repeat five more times (minimum).

Start to feel amazed at your productivity. Then as you stare at the manuscript again, you shout at it for not being as good as you thought it was when you finished it.

Cry and stress because you ultimately¬†know that it’s you that is the problem. It might be a good story but are you good at writing it or vice versa. Is anything you ever write, the definition of good?’

Do another draft and restrain yourself from throwing a tantrum because you just want it all done now!

Still¬†frustrated, so you cope by playing the sims and realize that you’ve started down a terrible path of addiction.

Somehow wean yourself off the drugs and go back to the unfinished draft. Find you have a bit of renewed energy for it.

Make a funny blog post about your process because you need stuff on your blog or no one will see you or buy your book.

Realise that your following is so small that if you somehow fail to self-publish then no one is going to call you out. But if you do put it online then¬†no one will even find it and if they do they will buy it even less because you’re unknown ūüė¶

Then what?

In 9 weeks I’m going to be 28 years old! I’ve never been so old before.¬†Yesterday I was thinking about my future¬†as a writer and storyteller. Currently, I’m making very little from my writing, but I do only have four titles out. My immediate plan of 10 books by age 30 seems like something I’ll accomplish either on time or even beforehand.

But then what?

All the money I’m earning at the moment is coming from my day job as bartender/waitress. It helps immensely¬†that living in the UK means I do not have to worry about healthcare ūüôā

But sometimes my thoughts go to where I’ll be in ten, twenty even thirty years time. I have ideas of what or where I’ll be like to be. I’m planning on still being writing, I’ll be disappointed if I’m not getting some form of decent income from it. I expect that after a decade of publishing I’ll start to see those dividends. But if I don’t, I won’t regret writing at all.

I try not to compare myself to other authors regardless of how they become more well known than me because their path is different to mine. But then again it would be nice to have enough of an income to take an extra day off work to work on my stories instead of using the time between my shifts. But the only way that can happen is to keep on writing.